Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
