i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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