i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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