That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
