you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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