now i know why i became what i already was.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
