i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
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I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
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I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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