love makes seman taste better
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
