oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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