On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
