Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
