can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
