moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
