What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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