ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
