toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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