So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
