It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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