This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
