it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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