I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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