Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
