ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize