Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
