Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
