When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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