is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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