note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
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like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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