he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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