if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
