so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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