it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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