I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
