I hate all girls vehemently.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
