all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
