Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
