apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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