I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
