he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
