So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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