I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
40s are totally the cure
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
