I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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