I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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