i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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