doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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