My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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