where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
