eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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