I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
