She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize