Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
