I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I smell like Dick and happiness
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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