I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
