I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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