I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
