Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
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I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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