well I can't set my house on fire every night
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
