My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
