the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
