I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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