I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
