I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
