I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
