just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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