he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
