I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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