if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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