you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
