Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
