im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
