this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
