I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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