there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
